Confession of a Carrion Connoisseur.

This confession contains a particular subject matter that readers may find revolting and disturbing. Please read at your own discretion.

I don't know where to begin, so I'll preface this story by explaining myself. I tried so hard to be normal, to be an upstanding member of society. I have a loving wife, wonderful children. I have a job, I'm well liked by my colleagues. I do everything I'm supposed to do. And still, here we are. I'll be taking some "artistic" liberties with what I'm about to write - I see no point in retelling events if I can't make it fun for myself. I'll be doing my best to give these events a narrative structure, and try to write in a "pretty" way.  Regardless, I have reached a point now where I simply need to share this side of myself with someone, and absolutely nobody in real life can ever know about it.  It was 2018, I had gotten my driver's license about a year prior, and frequently went out by myself to drive around at night. No music, no radio, and no podcast - it was peaceful, calming.  There was one particular stretch of road I frequently drove down. It was a dual carriageway that didn't see much traffic at night, and I used to cruise down it well below the speed limit, just enjoying the solitude. Having grown up with enough brothers and sisters to fill a small warehouse, I appreciate my alone time.  One night, the tail end of summer, I was driving down said road. Mine was the only car, nobody else was out here at this time. As my headlights illuminated the path before me, something quickly came into view. Something small, at the side of the road, just shy of the roadside.  I slowed my car, pulled over as close to the barrier as possible, and put my hazard lights on. I got out, and walked back towards what I had seen.  There it was. A fox, sprawled out, its body twisted around - but not totally contorted. It looked like it had tried to run across the road, and unfortunately been struck. There wasn't that much blood, all things considered.  I knelt down beside it, and was hit only with a slight tang, not an odour too acrid to stomach like I'd expected. Now that I was closer, I saw where the fur was matted and stuck, darkened. I breathed deep, and filled my lungs with that temperate summer night's stillness. I held my hand out to the creature. I touched its fur. Not cold, but most definitely not warm. I pressed, and the flesh conformed with my push. I don't know whether I thought I'd be able to save it, had it not been too late, or whether my soul knew what it needed all along, but here I was.  I slid my hand away from the animal's midsection, and towards its tail end. I felt the tail along to its tip and back again, the course fur tickling at my fingertips. I lifted the tail slightly, and looked. She laid there, unmoving. My breath became laboured, my heart raced. It felt like it would burst in that moment. I felt my hand slowly slip between her legs, and along her underbelly. I pulled backwards, along and upwards, just gently feeling for her slit.   I lurched away, staring at the vixen. I felt my stomach churning, and I almost collapsed then and there. I looked at my car, flashing, the hazard lights rhythmically illuminating the scene. I stared down at the fox. Once more I crouched down. At this point, I had somewhat realised that I was still out in the open. Nervous that someone else would drive down the road, I scooped her up. I stepped over the barrier, and scurried just beyond the tree line.  When I was sure I'd be out of view of any potentially passing cars, I placed her down. By then, I was already solid, so I pulled down my trousers. I knelt, dirt and twigs cradled my knees, and I started stroking myself. With my other hand, I caressed the fox. I felt along her tail again, grabbing it and pulling her along the floor towards me. I leant forwards, rubbing my face against her, sniffing deeply. The aroma of impending decay shot through me, and I griped hard at the floor. I squeezed my cock and exhaled, buried in her fur at this point. I closed in on the fox, now pressing my body against her. Gently, I rubbed myself on her fur, carefully so as not to put too much pressure on the corpse.  God only knows how unbelievably hard I felt, how much I needed to take her right then and there. I gritted my teeth, my hands balled into fists, and groaned. Trying to stop myself, I pulled away, only to find my face nuzzling hers. Inhaling and exhaling, sniffing the congealed blood that wetted my nose and lips. I ran my hands along her body, and finally could take it no longer. I lowered myself down to the dirt, and with the vixen's tail raised, I pushed my cock into her. With some pressure, I slipped inside. I started to thrust, slowly at first, with just the tip of my hard dick. The vixen was laid on her side, her legs pointing to the left, With my right hand I held myself up, with my left I gently held her paws. Before long, however, I started gripping tighter, thrusting faster. Each push in provided me some more depth. She was so perfectly tight, and to push into her this deep felt sacrilegious. I moaned, felt a pop, and fluids of some kind washed over my cock. I started pushing and pushing. I kept fucking the tight little vixen, now pulling her hind legs and tail to feel her against me. I was deep inside her, things squished and squelched against the tip of my penis, things that probably weren't in the right place.  I kept fucking, and fucking, and then I came inside the perfect little creature. Immediately after I had finished, I pulled out of her and sat for a moment. I stared at the corpse, just barely able to make out her shape in the dark. Mortified with myself, I pulled my trousers back up without even looking at whatever horrible mess would be on my penis. Something had definitely leaked onto me, but I didn't care to look at what it was.  I dashed back towards the road, only a few metres from the site, and clambered back into my car. I hadn't heard any other cars in that time, but could see someone approaching now in the rear view mirror. I ducked my head down, and waited for them to pass.  I wanted to scream at myself, I was shaking, and waves upon waves of shame, guilt, and paranoia washed over me. With trembling hands, I turned my car on and pulled away. I drove home as quickly as I could, breaking the speed limit by a good amount.  When I returned home, I ran straight to the bathroom, and saw myself in the mirror. My nose and mouth had these little red, almost black spatters around and on them. I saw my messy hair, looked down at my muddy palms and knuckles. I fell to my knees and retched over the toilet. I was sweating. I wasn't sure if it was paranoia, but by now my dick was itching. Still heaving, I tore off my clothes and jumped in the shower. I didn't even look down at myself, I didn't want to see. I turned the water on, blasted with freezing cold, I didn't wait for warmth. I just started scrubbing, washing myself until my skin felt raw.  As the water grew warmer, my self-revulsion dissipated. I started touching myself, and masturbated while thinking about fucking the fox. I came again, and immediately felt myself filled with conflicting emotions. I sat down in the shower, trying to understand why I had just fucked roadkill.  The days following the incident left me feeling paranoid, worried that I'd have contracted some disease or that someone had seen me. Thankfully nothing came of it. I felt ashamed, yet emboldened, and sexually satisfied. I masturbated several times a day thinking about the encounter, even in the bathrooms at work.  Thank you for reading, I have a handful of stories that might be interesting to others, but I don't think I'll be sharing them. I had to at least get this out to someone, because I've been holding onto this for years now. It's not exactly the sort of thing someone brings up to their spouse, is it?  I hope you don't judge me, or hate me, because I can't help my internal workings. Something inside me is very clearly not working correctly, but I haven't harmed another living creature in all of my years on this planet. Again, thank you for reading. I'm sorry if I caused anyone any distress.